Even This Title Is Bullshit

Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a conversation and thought, "God, I'm full of shit"?

Sometimes I feel like I'm so full of shit I'll need about ten emotional enemas to make me completely bullshit-free.

Tonight, while talking with Edwin about relationships and other equally insignificant things, I stepped out of the scene a few times, leaving my body behind to carry on the conversation. I think we were talking about the bitch who broke his heart and ran off with her best friend's boyfriend. Anyway, I didn't like what I saw. I was loud and overly opinionated; my laughter was borderline obscene, and I'd flip my hair (twisting it, putting it up, then down, etc.) everytime I said something I'd thought was especially funny. If I had to talk to myself for a full hour, I would probably load up on caffeine to make sure I could keep up with whatever the hell I'll be saying. Given to strange non-sequitors while unconsciously raising my eyebrow at almost everything he'd say, I was surprised he didn't walk out and leave me in the middle of my non-fat non-chocolate low-calorie semi-latté frappucino. Yet we ended up talking for three hours, and it seemed like he was actually having a good time.

He's a very patient man, that Edwin. I'll send him a postcard from Malaysia when I go there next month, or at least I'll get him a nice keychain, the kind that blinks whenever you whistle from up to five meters away.

When we finally finished, I trailed myself as he brought me back to my parked car. From the back, I looked hideous - waddling in low slung jeans that showed too much back fat, the top half of my jacket, covered in lint.

"That was fun," he said. "I'll never look at calamansi the same way again," he laughed before returning to his office, 15 floors up. Was he full of shit too? I was too busy paying the lost ticket fee (400p) to care. Now if that's not definitive proof of my incredibly high bullshit levels, I don't what is.

If you know any place ala Lacuna Inc. that provides spiritual de-toxing services, please let me know.