No Stopping Us

Focus. November 25, 2005.

Do you remember the very first contest you joined when you were a kid?

I was Grade 4 when I was entered into my very first on-the-spot essay writing contest. I remember what the theme was: something about St. Francis of Assisi, and preserving the environment for future generations, etc.. It was around this time that I was getting into my dad's Joni Mitchell vinyl collection, so what I'd written mostly echoed "Big Yellow Taxi", with the chorus, they paved paradise, put up a parking lot, as my closing statement. My teachers were so gosh darned impressed that I actually knew who Joni Mitchell was at my age, so without paying much attention to what was then my ostentatious grammar and spelling, they gave me First Prize. I won 100 pesos, a fortune back in 1988, for an 8-year-old, as well as a parchment certificate bearing my name.



As a monkey, Kuya Bodjie teaches kids how to fight mean, angry lions. November 18, 2005.

Sometimes, I miss being a kid.

On days like these, when I'm reminded of all the work that I need to do on myself as an individual, I long for the purity of that time, the not-knowing and all-knowing - when all I worried about was whether or not Jan Michael liked me (16 years later, he's now gay and living in with his partner), or what baon I had for lunch (usually rice cakes and crab stick sushi), or what grade I would get for Science class. Back then, everything felt new, and the world was mine for the taking. It still is, of course, though that chubby, freckled 8-year-old girl has become much more jaded, cynical, and distrusting of the people around her.

Now, being around children liberates me from having to put up my "cool" face all the time - I can act silly with them, use straws as a blow torch, let them play with my earrings ('Ooh! Pwedeng dumaan ang leon sa kanila!", says one), and with them, draw imaginary rainbows with our fingertips. There is no pretense, no false pleasantries, only truth, and honesty, and fun.

Say Yes!, urges Kuya Bodjie, when he talks about the craft of story-telling, do not censor yourself! Always be open! Who gives a f*ck what other people think? You are your own person. Be free. Just Say Yes!

So, to redeeming myself, and riding on wild geese and making rainbows, I say: YES. Yes, yes, yes!, over and over, a loud, resounding, crashing, cymbal-clanging, mountain-shaking, YES!